AU Film: A Study in Love
A girl falls for her teacher. A teacher falls for his student. Rumors are spread. Attacks are made. But isn’t love supposed to conquer all?
My head pounds with anger, yet my throat becomes sore as I force my mouth shut. My eyes water and my chest starts to press down. I feel the air around me push my body to the ground as I hold my words behind a blank expression. My heart rate raises as I know every word that’s thrown at me is just to bring me to my breaking point. I know if I was to fight back my end point will hold a harsher consequence than the verbal lashing I was enduring. Every time I have to fight harder to hold back on defending myself. I know deep down that they just are trying to pull a scream out of me, and sometimes I give in. Sometimes I’ve won but not on my own, by myself I am powerless. I still stand faceing a rage full word bully and stare blankly into my abusers face. I feel their words hit my mind as hard as the fists blow to my head. yet I feel all the hatred isn’t appointed at just myself. I can see in whomevers eyes that this lashing out is filled with much more anger than what I had brought on. I start to forgive as I drift father from tye pain of the fight I experience. I will go numb and vear away from the blows and the word slamming me to the floor. I know I am just a trigger to a domino affect on an out raging of yells and screams. I am the bad timing and the spark that lights the explosion. Being the trigger gives me the opportunity to enjoy all the suppressed anger held inside. I am blown out of the water from a childish mistake and under take all the attack. I am the trigger. I am the family’s unfortunate mistake, or the unnecessary button on a shirt. I wasn’t wanted so in the end im in a constant stand off with disgust of my own being. Once tbe yelling has henced I usually retiar to my room. I will cry, but never infront of anyone. I have to be strong since I have nobody to be strong for me. My mind will wonder in between the four walls that safely hide my weakness, and more often than not I will confront suicide. Mostly thoughts but occasionally I want to pursue the heart stopping conclusion. I guess being the trigger makes it hard to pull on to my head.